Health, Humour & Horoscopes: October 2018

A small orange pumpkins sits amongst blurred small pumpkins with glitter falling down on top.

This October, things might get a little spooky. I’m not talking about the turn in the weather or the influx of scary movie options on Netflix. Rather, I’m referring to our lovely lady friend Venus, who will enter retrograde on October 5th. OoOoooOoohhh!

Venus is our planet of lovin’. She’s responsible for humanity and caring, as well as beauty, finances, and internal harmony. This retrograde only happens every one and a half years, but the next six weeks could get a little eerie. You may find it harder to show compassion and be easily tempted towards spitefulness rather than kindness.

But hey! This is why you read horoscopes, right? As a fellow sky gazer, you’re looking for a bit of a heads up. And now you know — just because Venus is being a shady lady doesn’t mean you have to follow.

To help keep you in a good mood (and thus prevent the unnecessary spillage of bad blood), your monthly horoscope will be accompanied by an immune booster. Why? Because you don’t have to watch Game of Thrones to know that winter is coming, along with all its wintery ailments. There’s nothing more irritable then a cold or the flu. Staying healthy will improve your mood, and perhaps encourage a little extra kindness this month.

October Horoscopes 2018 - The Joya Life
(Photo by Alfred Schrock)

These forecasts are inspired by the findings of other astrologists. I am not an astrologist, but I do believe that health and wellness start with self reflection. If horoscopes offer you a chance to look internally, then I hope you’ll allow me to add wellness tips to your forecast, and top it off with a healthy dose of humour.


ARIES - Propolis

You’ve been feeling off-balance lately, which is unusual for a nimble footed ram like yourself. But it’s understandable — you’re a ram in demand! Work has been demanding and social invitations are coming at you harder than junk mail. But don’t let yourself become overwhelmed. Set some personal goals, keep them close and remember what you’re trying to achieve.

Allow the new moon on the 8th to help keep you grounded. And while you’re at it, enjoy a few sprays of propolis. Propolis is a powerful nectar bestowed by the bee gods (seriously, bees use it to fight infections and protect the hive). It tastes like honey, too. Use this spray daily for a nutritious and sweet mood-lifting boost.


TAURUS - Tonic Shot

Feeling agitated? It’s no surprise as the social scene has been getting on your nerves lately. You feel distant from you friends, while people you don’t really care about keep showing up and nagging you. Ugh. I know you feel all fired up but lower those horns! Picking a fight is not worth your time, so try to let off some steam with a couple of big ol’ eye rolls.

The full Hunter’s moon takes place on October 24th, when the moon and sun are opposite each other. This is a great time to reflect on how to re-direct your energy. Rather than focusing on those nagging fleas, spend time with those that you care about one-on-one. In order to truly re-connect, skip the alcohol and toss back tonic shots. If you forgo the immune-boosting honey in this recipe, you’ll find yourself cringing and sputtering just like you would with a shot of alcohol. Fun times! Bottoms up.


GEMINI - Crystals

Gemini, you may be a spring baby but the month of October has always energized you. Between the delicious smell of rotting leaves (admit it, you love it) and the imminent celebration of Halloween, you’re craving some seasonal fun. You’re feeling open-minded and ready to embrace everything spiritual and spooky that is synonymous with October. So get out there and explore the use of crystals!

Now, don’t look at me with that twinning look of dubiousness. You’re reading a horoscope so I know you’ve thought about crystals before. Can crystals really heal the body and enhance immunity and elevate your mood? Go explore to find out, because rocks rock! Besides, you’ll be tempted to run from one festive activity to the next. Finding time to sit down and rest (amongst some crystals) will be good for you.

October Horoscopes 2018 - The Joya Life
(Photo by Alfred Schrock)

CANCER - Oregano Oil

I’m calling you out, Cancer! This busy schedule you’ve got going is an act, and you know it too. You’ve allowed your day to fill up, preventing you from starting a new project or task that scares you. But you know what’s scarier than taking a leap of faith? PROCRASTINATION, and thereby DELAYING your full potential! (Did reading that sentence just send chills down your exoskeleton invertebrate?)

Start by mapping things out. Planning ahead will give you confidence as you start executing your new project. Looking for an extra boost? Start your day off with oregano oil. Devilishly strong, this bitter elixir will fight off infections and parasites. It will help to keep you healthy and energized with just a few potent drops. (Emphasis on the potent. Any more than a few drops and this oregano will have you smelling like a pizzeria.)


LEO - Sleep

A seasonal change is upon us, my little lion, and you can sense it more then anyone else. But don’t just stand there with the crisp autumn air blowing through your mane like a shampoo commercial — it’s time to act! This is the opportune moment you’ve been waiting for to undergo a transformation, whether it’s updating your look or changing your approach on a project.

And don’t fret if you’re not sure what’s triggering this change. Go with your gut. The explanation will come to you. Until then, just sleep on it. Seriously, go to sleep. Do as the fat and happy caterpillar does, curling up in its cocoon before transforming into a beeeautiful butterfly! During times of change and stress, a lack of sleep can weaken your immune system. Going to bed early and letting yourself to sleep in will help keep you strong and confident. Get ready to roar louder than Katy Perry!


VIRGO - Adaptogenic Infusions

You know how to put on a brave face, Virgo, and sometimes that’s more than enough. Although your anxiety is at a new high (is it work? a lover? both?), keep putting one foot in front of the other. Fake it til you make it, honey! Because if you can walk the walk, you’ll soon talk the talk, and eventually you’ll feel like yourself again. You dig?

Until you’re 100% again, make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Keep your stress levels at bay with adaptogenic infusions. Pro tip: if you can take your infusions in a thermos, you’ll be able to soothe your mind/body/soul throughout the day. Which brings us full circle to the whole walk the walk strategy. Would you like me to go over it again?

October Horoscopes 2018 - The Joya Life
(Photo by Alfred Schrock)

LIBRA - Chicken Soup

Fair warning, this month’s retrograde is one you’ll want to move through gingerly. Rather than trying to direct everyone who crosses your path, take a step back and work to better understand your role in that relationship. And yes, this even applies to that one person who seems to be very good at tipping your scales and putting you in a foul mood (you know the one). Look, I’m not asking you to walk a mile in anyone’s shoes (ew), but giving a little more consideration to others can help move the relationship forward.

While you’re taking some time to observe and reflect and simmer, why not put on a pot of soup to simmer away next to you. Specifically, chicken soup is infamously good at warding off any bugs while giving your immune system a boost. And because you’re a complex Libra, you’re looking for more than just a simple pack of instant noodles. Try your hand at a homemade spicy Thai peanut chicken ramen— the real chicken soup for the soul.



Someone’s feeling perky this month! October is buzzing through your veins and, interestingly, it has you looking forward. You’re feeling inspired to plan ahead, specifically when it comes to your finances. Whether you’re looking to invest or take on some new work to earn a bit of extra cash, remember this — if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Don’t feel like you have to rush into any decisions. You’ll want to to think things through carefully this month. Just because you’re the one with the stinger, doesn’t mean you can’t still get stung.

While you’re ruminating on important financial decisions, why don’t you take a seat in a nice hot sauna. As a scorpion, you understand the benefitsof hot dry heat better than any other sign. So think things through while also receiving the health benefits of a lovely sit in a sauna — two birds, one sweaty scorpion.



People are looking up to you this month, and it’s not just because you’re a ginormous bow-and-arrow-toting centaur. They need your wisdom! So as much as you feel the urge to turn away from everyone and focus on your own opportunities, you can’t. Hard fact, Sagittarius — life isn’t about you all the time and you need to stop being so self-centaured… HA! No need to mope as you read this. I know you’re a proud one. Even if you play that you’re bothered by people coming up to you for advice, we both know that most days you’ll feel pride at sharing your guidance.

That being said, if you ever feel yourself in a particularly stormy mood, treat yourself to some raw honey. Whether adding it to a beverage or scooping some out of the jar, a little sweetness will brighten your mood. (Plus, all us lowly guidance-seeking fellows will find you much less intimidating!)

October Horoscopes 2018 - The Joya Life
(Photo by Jon Tyson)

CAPRICORN - Sweaty Exercise

You can be hard to please, Capricorn, and it’s no surprise because… what are you, really? Wikipedia modestly calls you a fish-goat hybrid, but I always saw you as more of a goat mermaid. And what could be harder to satisfy than a goat mermaid?! Always struggling with your pull for both land and water… I feel for you, my furry fish friend. Especially now, as you’re in one of your ruts again. Take a look around and see who you’ve been spending time with recently. Are they bringing you down? Capricorns may be as stubborn as a goat, but they’re also known for their bravery and desire to be constantly challenged. Is someone inhibiting these natural traits of yours?

To break this rut, spend a little time on your own trying something new (you’ll be grateful for a new challenge). Sign up for a new fitness class that’ll really get you sweating. Doing something different will lift your spirits and energize you once again, with the added health benefit that sweating it all outhas on the body.


AQUARIUS - Grapefruit Oil

Aquarius, you understand that change is inevitable (you’re the bearer of water right, so you know all about water… how it freezes, how it evaporates, how it’s both underground AND in the sky… science is crazy). By resisting inevitable changes, you’re fighting your natural way of life. No wonder you’ve been struggling to find your center lately.

Time to take that leap of faith, Aquarius. Change things up and be rewarded. Looking for some liquid courage? Take a few drops of grapefruit oil. Why? Because this incredibly potent elixir will kick you into action, put some spring in your step, and will burn a fire within you (literally, you’re going to feel like you’ve swallowed a grapefruit on fire). Plus, it’s got all these health benefits like antibacterial, reducing stress, aiding digestion… you know, important things.


PISCES - Vitamin D

Oh Pisces, you should know better than anyone that it’s no good being a big fish in a small pond. But look where you’ve gotten yourself! You’ve completely outgrown aspects of your current environment. Big fish, small pond? More like a whale in your average household bean-shaped swimming pool! October is begging you to shake things up. Break away from your average routine in order to get new perspective. Take a weekend jaunt or, if you can, book a sunny vacation to soak up some Vitamin D. And if a holiday isn’t in the cards, at least pick up someVitamin D supplements. You’ll thank me in the dead of winter.

In the mean time, go easy on yourself. Working towards broadening your horizons can be a slow process, so try not to bully yourself when you’re feeling stagnant. Rather, find positive ways to motivate yourself to help create the change you seek. Things will be moving along swimmingly in no time.


(Header image by Alfred Schrock