Health, Humour & Horoscopes: December 2018

healthy cookies

December may be the most wonderful time of the year, but it’s also the busiest. Not only are the holidays upon us as we come to the year’s end, but we’ve got some major celestial events taking place! The last retrograde of 2018 wraps up on December 6th, only to be immediately followed by a new moon. Don’t feel intimidated by the dark skies — instead, use your own light to look inward and reflect on this concluding year. Also note that from the 5th to the 7th, Mars and Neptune will come together. Neptune is the planet of fantasy and delusion. It can be a tricky planet to navigate as it has the power to fog judgement and increase paranoia. Remain strong during this time and don’t succumb to self doubt. 

Whew! Okay, so the start of December is a bit heavy, but things will lighten up from there. Luckily, we’re about to enter Capricorn season with the winter solstice on December 21st. Capricorn is all about hard work and growth, so it’s no wonder that this star sign coincides with the New Year. Use this energy to your advantage! Don’t only set goals, but map out how to get there. Your New Year’s resolutions won’t know what hit them!

And because we’re coming into winter, baking season is upon us. This month, I’ll be serving up batches of cookies that perfectly align with each zodiac. When it comes to reading horoscopes, there’s no better accompaniment than a nice mug of tea and a fresh plate of fortune cookies.

These forecasts are inspired by the findings of other astrologists. I am not an astrologist, but I do believe that health and wellness start with self reflection. If horoscopes offer you a chance to look internally, then I hope you’ll allow me to add wellness tips to your forecast, and top it off with a healthy dose of humour.

ARIES – Biscotti

With the end of Mercury retrograde on December 6th comes another significant celestial event: the new moon. Now, Aries, there’s no need to roll your weirdly rectangular-pupil goat eyes. Rather than viewing this celestial event as another beast you have to manage, try to embrace the new moon for what it is. Use this darkness to look inwards and explore your imagination. Feed that creativity by surrounding yourself with art — which, for the record, doesn’t include binge-watching some trashy show. However, it could justify watching an inspiring film (and yes, I said film). In other words, bring out the Biscotti! Be a little pompous. Adopt a fancy-pants air. Embrace your inner artiste

If you’re wondering why, it’s because it’ll pay off by mid-month. Being hyper critical will help you feel confident in your own newfound creativity. You’ll no longer be rolling your eyes up to the stars in anguish but staring straight ahead and moving full steam, empowered by your creative energy. And uh, if I’m being honest, try to use this self-motivation to cleanse your home. I’m not saying you’re messy, but it’s time to hit the refresh button (like putting away the last of your Halloween decorations, or getting rid of some of those bags within bags within bags). I know it’s hardly winter, but you need partake in some spring cleaning.

jam cookies

(Photo from Paleo Crumbs)

TAURUS – Linzer

Taurus, you often get mocked on your reluctance to change (because seriously, who’s better at digging in their heels than a bull?). Well, Sagittarius season is going to test you on just that. And hey, this is a good thing! Moving forwards is necessary, so don’t be tempted to hold still when your past starts popping up. In particular, once Mercury moves into Scorpio, you’ll find yourself rehashing conversations that you thought were behind you. Do you really need to pick up these old conversations again? I know you’re the bull, but I’m calling bullsh*t.

Rather than giving into the urge to fall back into old habits, charge forwards down a new path. And on this path, you should definitely bring with you a tray of Linzer Cookies. Linzers are cookies sandwiched with jam and often have a cut-out center to showcase the fruity goodness underneath. Now Taurus, do as the linzers do with their open cut-outs and OPEN yourself up to change. Avoid the temptation to fall back on familiar patterns! By the end of the month, you’ll be as happy with these changes as when you’re pulling fresh cookies out of the oven.

GEMINI – Breakfast Cookies

Gemini, the cloud that’s been lingering over your head is finally dissipating. You can breathe again! Which is a good thing too because you need to be in a tip-top headspace to conquer the craziness of December — and I have a feeling you will. You’re radiating good vibes and positivity, and are suddenly more chipper than an over-caffeinated chipmunk. You’re exhilarated by the madding crowds of holiday shoppers and simply laugh off those [insert profanity] drivers cutting you off in the parking lot. The new moon on December 7th will also bring a fresh start to important relationships in your life. Any tensions from the past will start to melt away.

But remain wary around this time when Mars meets with Neptune — the planet of fantasy and fallacy. Do not fall prey to thoughts of paranoia. If you can push these thoughts away, positive energy will carry you throughout the month. So, with this new pep in your step you’re going to feel motivated to push forward on projects and get work done. The best way to support this high energy is to avoid sugary coffee drinks, and instead start your day off with a Breakfast Cookie. And yes, this is exactly how it sounds — a healthy breakfast in the to-go form of an adorable cookie. I can already hear you cackling with chipper joy.

CANCER – Chocolate Cherry Tahini Cookies

Cancer, you’re moving through December with all the grace a crab can muster — and apparently, that’s quite a lot of grace! This busy time of year has been made even busier with Mercury in retrograde, but you’re enjoying the madness and dancing through it all. An additional perk? You won’t be dancing alone! Venus has entered Scorpio, bringing positive energy to your love life. Looks like you’ve found yourself a dance partner (but don’t worry — we all know you’ll be leading).

Interestingly, partnerships are going to be a big theme for you this month. You’ll be reviewing close relationships and questioning those who don’t add value to your life (otherwise put, questioning those who won’t join you on the dance floor). As you navigate these partnerships, you may find yourself getting a wee bit emotional with the full moon on the 22nd. During this time, I highly recommend that you to bake a batch of Chocolate Cherry Tahini Cookies, because those ingredients make one partnership that you won’t have to question. And trust me when I say that no one will bat an eye if they find you dancing around the kitchen with a tray of these cookies. In fact, it’ll probably start a conga line. 

match shortbread

(Image from Snixy Kitchen)

LEO – Matcha Shortbread

Get ready to be the life of your holiday office party, Leo! The sun is shining on the sector of your chart that rules romance and creativity, which means you’re in the mood to socialize and party. Find that balance between work and play so that you can cross off your to-do list while still embracing the holiday spirit! But heed warning. This month the sun and Neptune clash. Neptune is the planet of delusion and clouds judgement in a deep fog. Things will not always be what they seem, so resist the urge to jump to conclusions. Give time for things to settle and don’t start doubting yourself! If you can resist the urge to feel insecure, December will be full of creativity and adventures.

But if you are feeling insecure, reach out to your most supportive friends. Trust that they’ll make time for you if you ask for it. Feeding off their creative energy will help you believe in yourself again. That being said, if you find yourself consumed by your shortcomings, bake up a batch of Matcha Shortbread. Why? Because this cookie should get you excited! Because the fact that a traditional 12th century cookie from Scotland can pair so perfectly with a green tea that originated in China almost one thousand years ago means that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! Believe it, Leo. Believe.

VIRGO – Chocolate Chip Cookies

You’re still riding a wave of coziness, Virgo. You feel confident in yourself and happy with where things are at. Only this month, this coziness will also exist outside your humble abode. Whether that’s leaving your home office to work at a coffee shop, or deciding to host your bookclub night at a restaurant, you’re feeling more at home when you get away from home. Am I making myself clear? In other words, blow out those six candles you have glowing around your house and get outside already! You’re going to appreciate some fresh air.

December 21st will not only blow in the start of winter, but romantic energy as well. Whether you find yourself enjoying a night of good ol’ fashion flirting or falling head over heels, get ready to enjoy yourself. Just be wary of the full moon on the 22nd as it could bring some drama. The light of the full moon will ask you to reexamine your friends and reveal who your true companions are. Another way to find out who your real friends are is to bake a batch of Chocolate Chip Cookies — because anyone who turns away such a classic and undeniably delicious cookie is probably some shifty diva and you really don’t need that energy in your life.

LIBRA – Gingerbread

No one will be more grateful than you, Libra, that this Mercury retrograde wraps up on December 6th. Allow me to state the obvious — this retrograde has been a tough one! Normally you’re breezing through the chaos of this time of year, but this retrograde has you bumbling through miscommunications and slow business operations. But stay positive. You’re almost there! And be confident that with the new moon on the 7th you’ll be filled with new perspective and ideas that will carry you through the month.

By mid December, your ruling planet, Venus, will connect with Saturn. This will influence supportive energies in your life, influencing greater productivity. And you won’t just be receiving this support, but you’ll be eager to give it, too — specifically when it comes to family. Answer to the urge to fit in more family time by offering to host a family dinner or help plan holiday gatherings. My favourite way to make up for lost family time is to bring everyone together to recreate our family as Gingerbread people. That way, when family time has reached its capacity, you can just devour everyone whole.

sandwich cookies

(Image from Edible Perspective) 

SCORPIO – Sandwich Cookies

Your birthday month may be behind you Scorpio, but you’re still feeling real good. You’re not just be surrounded by positive energy but luck, too — specifically in money. The sun in Sagittarius illuminates the financial sector on your chart this month, focusing your attention on your finances. You’re normally pretty savvy when it comes to money, but don’t get too cocky. If you can maintain the same wise judgement during the holidays, you’ll be happier for it in the new year.

On December 17th Mars and Pluto, your two ruling planets, will connect. This will manifest an exciting and dynamic energy within you — how lucky! You’re going to feel sharp with creative vigor, which is good timing as you’ll also be faced with some new opportunities. Opportunities in your career? In love? You’ll know it when it hits you. Be confident that you’re prepared to take it on. In honour of the exciting times and your ruling planets coming together, I offer you the dynamic Sandwich Cookie! Let it be a reminder that differences can come together to create magic, like PB+J or fries and honey. (This is a real thing. I swear.)

SAGITTARIUS – Chocolate Crinkle

You’ve been feeling a bit sleepy, Sagittarius, and that’s okay. This mercury retrograde has knocked you off your A-game, so it’s natural to wish you could hibernate through it all. The good news is by the end of the retrograde on December 6th, you’ll be back to your usual self and sharp of mind once again! This means you can direct more of your attention to home and family this month — big themes for you right now — because something here is holding you back. Is there an issue you need to resolve? Or is it time to pick up the rest of your belongings from your parents’ house? Whatever it is, the sooner you get it over with the sooner you can really truly enjoy your birthday season. (And who doesn’t love a celebratory Sagittarius?!) 

With the winter solstice on December 21st, Mercury will meet with Jupiter in your sign. Prepare to feel conflicted. You’ll feel the urge to share new ideas but will hesitate because the thoughts aren’t fully formed — and we all know what a bloody perfectionist you are. But expressing yourself is good for you, and sharing rudimentary ideas could help with their manifestation. Therefore, I want you to eat ALL the Crinkle Cookies this month! Let their cracks remind you that there’s no such thing as perfection, and just because something isn’t polished doesn’t mean it isn’t marvelously delectable.


December is coming in hot, Capricorn, and it’s kinda catching you off guard. This is a good thing! You’re normally someone who likes to get things done on their own, but you’re feeling a strange pull to your community… valuing their input… and trusting their varying ideas? Whaaat? Don’t question it too much and just roll with it. Chances are you’ll learn something important. And besides, with the new moon you’re going to feel the exact opposite of a social butterfly. You’re going to cocoon yourself up and retreat, taking some time to reflect on the lessons learned.

December 21st marks the first day of winter and the start of Capricorn season! As the sun enters your own sign, you’re going to feel reenergized and invigorated. Everything will feel new again, aglow with exciting potential and possibility. Therefore, this month I offer you the Oatmeal Cookie — probably the most misunderstood cookie. Where others see a dull blob of oatmeal, you’ll be relishing in a tray of all the oatfeels. Get ready to feel inspired.   

AQUARIUS – Ginger Snap

What Mercury retrograde? Lucky for you, Aquarius, you’re feeling more akin to the beginning of Sagittarius season than any other celestial event. Sagittarius reminds us to be open minded and philosophical, and you’re feeling right at home with these traits. You’ve been extra curious, thinking big and bouncing ideas around. And I can’t believe I’m about to say this because December and the impending holiday season are always so busy… but you should seriously take on some extra work. Consider joining the party planning committee at your office or an organization in your community. If you’re looking for a chance to showcase your problem solving skills, this is how to do it.

So, what will you be baking up this month? A fresh batch of Ginger Snaps. Because for all this inquisitive energy you have, you’re also going to feel a little sensitive. Maybe even insecure. On December 7th, Mars and Neptune align. Neptune is the planet of fantasy and delusion, and could risk clouding your charismatic energy. With every crispy bite of Ginger Snap, let it remind you to SNAP OUT OF IT! Do not doubt yourself or feel insecure. Believing this mantra is the important key to having a very good month (and also an excuse to eat a helluva lot of cookies).

double chocolate chips

(Photo from Gourmande in the Kitchen)

PISCES – Double Chocolate Chip

The start of December might feel a bit slow for you. You’re chomping at the bit to cross things off your checklist and start making waves in both professional and social circles — but no one else seems as motivated. Don’t fret, Pisces. You just need to give people some time to recuperate from the Mercury retrograde at the start of the month. On the plus side, December’s new moon on the 7th will spark your imagination. Since it seems that no one else can keep up with you, take some time to nurture this creative boom and see where it goes.

Activity will start taking place in the middle of the month. On December 16th, Venus and Saturn will come together and spread good energy all around. And hey, you wanted to get busy, so don’t be surprised now that everything seems to be happening at once. Including, my fishy friend, a possible love interest with December’s full moon? Oh baby, you’re about to show everyone that yes, fish can juggle it all. This includes making a batch of Double Chocolate Chip Cookies, because the rest of the month is all about doubling down to get it all done. December is going to go from 0 to 100 real fast.

(Header image from Downshiftology)